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Mary Your Questions About Where To Buy High Heels Without Heel

Mary asks…

Can someone please check this for proper grammar and make sure it makes sense?

It’s due tomorrow and I lost my copy where I made revisions with friends Help P.S i will take suggestions, but I will not print your copy that is plagiarism.
Nat thought about her birthday today the big day and the events after. The black granite lab was so boring and she was glad science ended in ten minutes. She hopped out of the limo rushed into the hotel and flopped onto her canopy bed. What a great day she thought. Natalie (Nat for short) lived in Los Angeles, California and attended Reed Junior high. Her best friend Sara also lived in the same little town and attended the same little school.

Nat went up to the soda bar and asked for a Sprite. Her gorgeous tank, sparkly and purple, was just the right fit on her. Her white shorts had cost 200 dollars and showed off her slim tan legs fitting just right and the belt hip and cool; it was the perfect outfit for her 13th birthday. She imagined the cart rolling out with her 5-tiered birthday cake. Soon it would be time to leave her father’s amazing hotel lobby built for all the celebs. She texted her friends Sophia, Sarah and Kristen. “B here in 30”. She went to her suite and awaited her friends.

Thirty minutes later they were unloading their bags of makeup. Their stylists came in the room and started working, twisting them this way and that. After 15 minutes they were perfection.

All ready, the girls stepped into position, their toes turned out. It was time to make one short stop in her father’s office before going to the ginormous party room. Nat stepped into her father’s office. “ Have Fun Sweetie,” he spoke without even looking up.
Nat joined the girls, and they adjusted their position. “ Walk to the beat “With ur love ,” Nat said with a sassy tone.

The girls’ heels click clacked on the tiled floor as they walked and paused, jutting their hips out just before the entrance. Nat could imagine how everyone would be swarming her and how the boys would drop dead when they saw how beautiful she was. Then they started back up on just the right note in Nat’s favorite song.

The doormen opened the door. Nat had convinced her father to buy the best Armani suits around. After all, his wonderful daughter would only have a thirteenth birthday once. The waitresses brought around pastries fresh from the best bakery in L.A. They wore expensive Prada and Gucci that showed off their slim figures.

“Drinks first,” Nat muttered. The girls clacked their way over to the bar transformed into a nonalcoholic piña colada and Shirley temple stand. Teens streamed outside and through off their cover-ups. Girls showed off their Quick Silver bikinis while guys revealed their board shorts. Another bar on Nat’s private beach served the same drinks As in the Party room. Nat shimmied her way out of her shorts and tank and revealed her gold sparkly Quick Silver bikini. The girls took of their cute and stylish outfits and revealed their hot tan flesh. They slipped into the hot tub to talk, gossip, and giggle. Around them Guys surfed and girls gossiped over by the bars. Soon it would be time to go inside for her big birthday cake. Nat could imagine all the stuff she’d buy with the million dollars her father had given her for her birthday, but it did’t really make a difference how much he gave her because whatever she wanted she got. The girls slipped out and went to change into their gorgeous evening gowns in the suite designated for them to change in.

Nat swished her hips back and forth and shimmied out on the floor. Suddenly the lights dimmed and the cake was rolled out everyone danced towards her. The warm chorus of happy birthday followed. Just as they were finishing the song, Brad, Sara’s boyfriend, playfully shoved her into a spin. Sara WAS’t ready and slipped, sliding into Natalie sending her face first into the Cake. Natalie sputtered and screamed “Everyone on the Beach Now! Everyone except for Sara.” Sara’s eyes were big. She had just gotten kicked out of the A-list clique. “ Get out. Leave me alone. I never want to see you again!” Natalie screamed.
This was humiliation. Ugh. not only had she lost a friend, but her popularity status would go down, and if it did she would never be the coolest awesomest president that Reed Junior High had ever had.
On Monday Nat refused to go to school and went shopping instead. Sara had also gone shopping, worrying that Nat would be in school. Nat looked out the window of the limo and noticed Sara walking down the street with tons of shopping bags. Wow, she’s buying way too much was Nat’s first thought, but then she looked down and there sprawled across the backseat were three times as many bags, half of them containing clothes or shoes she would never wear.
Suddenly Nat felt a wave of guilt, but it soon passed and she burst into tears. Why had her mother died when she was only three? I will post part 2 in a second

lizzyrose cropped Your Questions About Where To Buy High Heels Without Heel

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Sara WASN’T ready and slipped

Maria Your Questions About Where To Buy High Heels Without Heel

Maria asks…

What do you think of the beginning of my story? Any advice?

Here it is:

Madison Doyle, eighteen, and fat.

There’s the profile for you – just as juicy as you like. Maddy, as she likes to be called, is a girl with little time and little space. At one hundred and eighty pounds, she’s chubby and she knows it well. She won’t apologize for being big boned, chunky, or fluffy – fluffy is her preferred word, and she’s gone without a boyfriend for one whole year. It doesn’t worry her if she has stretch marks in several places, and she fits into size eleven stretchy jeans just fine. She doesn’t get upset when her mother says, “You’re pretty, but you’re fat.”
Today is another day for Maddy in the New Year of 2011. School’s started up again, and she’s recovering from an un sober two weeks of going to pubs where her favorite local bands (and best friends) play. She doesn’t care what she wears to school anymore, and the second semester is just beginning. She lives about one mile away from school, and in an effort to “shed some pounds” she walks, though she has overly sensitive feet that blister easily. And of course, she’s wearing flip-flops (daring young lass, right?). She’s smoking a cigarette just a block away from her ‘academy’ in the centre of the city’s business district, and leaning against the ugly bricked wall of one of the nearest gas stations. Her hair is a sun stained brown, and looking oily on this fair, clouded morning. It curls up at the ends, its thick, gripping layers falling down her shoulders and back in frizzy strands. Like more than half of her high school’s female population, she waits to go to the bathroom as soon as her feet touch campus to do her hair. It’s her pride, and it’s long. She’s only five foot four, so there’s not much to be prided about with her weight as it is. Five foot four, one hundred and eighty pounds, slightly tanned with freckles, and a wise cracking Senior. Of course, that’s only on business days.
Killing the butt of her smoke with the heel of her overly worn Kenneth Cole sandals, she makes her way towards the school building. There’s a large intersection that crosses through all the sky scrapers, so she waits patiently for the lights. There’s a few underclassmen who test their fates with the changing signs, and she remembers that she was like that once. Once wasn’t that long of a time ago either. She crosses the street with her body slumped down, not making eye contact with any passing cars or buses. The air is wet and heavy since it’s only January, and being in the south they’ve had a dozen rainy days or so. She took her time to buy some long sleeved shirts and more jeans, but couldn’t find a pair of shoes to manage in. Having sensitive feet means you have to wear the right shoes, but you also have to look good in them. Maddy, unlike most people, looks horrid in converse because her calves are too thick and so are her ankles. It’s the same reason why she can’t wear boots. Besides, they usually look hideous to her eyes either way.
The campus of Dorian Gray International Academy for Business and the Like is large. Well, large enough for Maddy. It’s about 500 good feet from both the side and front parking lots to any of the front entrances. So in all actuality, Maddy walks about 1 and 1/10 of a mile each day, not counting all the horrible classes she has to attend. Yeah, pretty normal.

Thanks. icon wink Your Questions About Where To Buy High Heels Without Heel
The story isn’t just about Madison, it’s about these 4 guys whom she’s friends with and they play in the pub in the band. They appear nice at first but then she realizes that they’re really bad and she finds out that they’re already planning her death.

lizzyrose cropped Your Questions About Where To Buy High Heels Without Heel

Our pick of the answers:

I really liked it. Insert sleazy wink here. No no, I really did like it though. It’s a nice start but I have one question: Will you be using the present tense throughout the entire story? No offense but it really irks me when people use present tense to write :/

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